Do you remember when the elders in your family would tell you that God can give you peace in the middle of a storm? I do. But I also remember only knowing what they meant on the surface. I mean for most of us we never had to endure storms alone at a young age. There were always parents or elders there. But like my pastor says, “Keep on livin.'”
2009 was one storm after another for me – laid off twice, moved to Florida from California and then abruptly moved again from Florida to California, lived with my sister for a month, and finding that I had locked my worth inside the situation around me.
Most nights I spent crying alone in my bed. Most mornings I couldn’t find a reason to get up. I kept trying to push myself out of the depressed state I was in. I blogged and wrote articles related to my distress and my ability to try to overcome the situation. During those restless nights I remember thinking, “Who can I call on?” My friends were sleep and had their own families and problems to deal with, my family situation shaky at best and my soul was still crying…
So, I asked God for peace. Though my situation may have still been in the midst of the eye of the storm, God gave me what I asked for. He was there when my friends were sleep and when my family was not. He didn’t care that I called on him in the middle of the night or the morning when I could not seem to pry myself out of bed. When I felt most alone and as if He was not there, He was.
I am currently reading Kelly Cutrone‘s New Book, If You Have to Cry Go Outside and Other Things Your Mother Never Told You and in it she says, “…you can’t feel real joy unless you’ve felt heartache. You can’t have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail…and you can’t be birthed again until you’ve died.”
How true of my life today. I know now what it is like to be down. All there is left is up. I am more honest with myself about what I want and don’t want, what I feel, and where I want to go with my life. I am also more honest with myself about the things I can and cannot control and focus myself accordingly.
With a new peace I am finally walking out of my storm instead of laying down in it.
2010 has been a beautiful year thus far for me and my business. I’ve had more clients in one month than I had all of 2009. There are more chapters to be added to The Diva Diaries and I have met some great people who are also honest about their storms and we can help each other along the way. And even though I know I will be cleaning up shattered glass from my stormy 2009 for a while, I am not afraid to do so and will do it with a peaceful mind and heart.
I wish you PEACEFUL MINDS my dear divas…