Life After Loss

Guest Blogger Diva Onika Pascal

Be encouraged, be reminded and be yourself.
 There is life after we’ve lost, but it is only ours
 for the taking if we get up and go for it.

As a 33 year old single mother, life can sometimes be a bit more hectic than anticipated. I don’t have a sure fire remedy, nor do I have a patented solution for the dilemmas we may face. But what I can attest to is that, there is life after what we’ve lost.

As single mothers, we most times lose alone time, leisure time, and intimate times. And often times we find ourselves burrowing into financial frustrations, conflicts with the other parent, conflict with ourselves because we feel we have fallen short. And in that instant, we lose ourselves.

I won’t get into the details about my past, but I’ve been there. After my divorce, life wasn’t mine. I caved in and gave way to belief that this was all that I had left. There wasn’t a way out of what was set before me. But that was when I believed that something had to be handed to me by someone. I didn’t go after it myself. By the time my son was 7, I found the courage to go back to school. I then built the foundation to propel me into an unmapped and unplanned future. It was a bright one, beaming with infinite possibilities.
I am admitting, it wasn’t an easy task being a full time mother, full time employee and a full time student. I had already learned, at an early age, that nothing in life is easy. But to sit and wait for it to be fair…was a reason to only wait in vain. Life was, is and always will be demanding. For me, it was almost suffocating. Not saying it to scare you from facing the challenge, but it is a truth to be prepared for. No matter how dark our roads may seem at times, there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel. And it is one that brings you a joy that replaces all of the nights of frustration.  Rather cliché, but it wouldn’t be if there weren’t testimonies. Every night I’d look at my son and wonder why it took so long to get back on track.  And I’d vow to never stay in this moment like that, ever again. I wish the same for you.

What I’m trying to say or do is to encourage other single mothers. Often times we place ourselves in a box that doesn’t have room for much. But we have the power to place ourselves in a mansion, a mansion of possibilities. We’re not exempt, from anything. If we can build the fear to not move forward, we can build the courage just the same.

No, I’m not preaching, and no, this isn’t an infomercial for a gadget that won’t work after purchase. It’s a voice of reason to help anyone who’s been in my position to see that with guidance and faith, we have the key to unlock our future. Limiting ourselves to what we’re trained to believe is our goal.

In order to get that foot out the door…we have to remember our self worth, our children, our beauty, our hearts, and our minds. Despite what you may think, or what anyone else will tell you, we have a say in how far we can go. 

Follow Onika Pascal at aseethroughsoul She has published two collections of poetry and continues to make her dreams a reality.  

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  1. I agree Rachel. I think the key is to remember not to measure success by the worlds standards but by that of God's. However, this is something I constantly struggle with. It is a lifetime journey.

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