Who knew that doing good could cost so much? I surely didn’t. Doing the work that God calls us to will cost us time, personal desires, and loads of money. That is certainly true for adoption. The average domestic adoption cost between $30,000 to $35,000, according to the latest report from Adoptive Families.
But if we only consider what we are giving up and don’t focus on what we are likely to gain, our hearts will grow weary.
After you take steps of faith to be obedient to God and push past the hegemonic views of your culture and fleshly comforts, then you must begin another daunting process…a paradigm shift. The enemy comes in to attack your thoughts. He tells you that you are not worthy, not equipped and that what you are doing is STUPID. He spews lies that seem so close to truth, you think they are real. But all he is doing is creating a spirit of FEAR- False Evidence Appearing Real. We must allow the Holy Spirit, in this time, to speak louder to us, than that voice of fear. This is NOT easy. So many times, after I decide to do something I want to bolt for the door so I can press the EJECT button and save myself from walking directly into the mouth of a big ferocious lion. I want to ease the pit in my stomach that says, “I can’t see ANYTHING and yet you want me to go running, full force, into the dark as if the light is on??? I can’t do that!!!”
I am still amazed that God continues to ask me to go, do and lead. I am an anxious, nervous over thinker/analyzer by nature. I won’t take a step without considering what will happen next. And then I agonize over the possibilities. Once I’ve asked 20 ½ people, prayed, stayed up late researching, and made my pros and cons list, I finally make a decision.
Why would God ask such a neurotic mess to do anything? Wouldn’t it be easier to ask someone else?
But he reminds me that he made me this way. It is the enemy who allows my “gift” to become twisted.
The prince of air builds the societal hegemony that I have been ingrained to follow. After all, according to society, I should not adopt a baby if I can have my own biologically. And even so, I am black, I should focus more on education and career than I should on God’s will, submitting to my husband, taking care of my home, nurturing and educating my children, etc. I mean, a woman in this time should never give herself and her time to those trivial things because if that man leaves you, you want to have your own bank account, nest egg, job, and back-up plan. You are too strong and too courageous to let a man lead you into the ground. And by all means, don’t go havin’ a bunch of babies that will just hold you down! My culture says two is enough and the notion of taking on someone else’s child…”Lil girl, have you lost yo mind?”
If I simply considered the cost, social out casting, thousands of dollars, possible difficulty with raising a child who may buck against me because I’m not her “real” mom, etc., then I would simply remain in my house, a hermit, afraid to move forward and do anything. But God has a plan for me, one I must follow.
I could go into the spirit of Jezebel and Ahab and why this nasty, foul spirit has taken root in our culture and beliefs. I could explain how that has lead to generational curses, miscarriages, psychological illnesses, the spirit of murder, pride and hate…. But I will save that for another blog series.
God knows who I am, where I am strong and where I am weak. He knows every strand of hair and yet he loves me and asks me to do things for him. He shares his heart with me. I share mine with him. And thus this relationship continues because we have created an open dialogue. It’s not perfect, simply because I’m not perfect. But it is beautiful. I am aware that serving him is dangerous. It leaves me open for demonic spiritual forces who want to prevent me from furthering the kingdom of God. But if we only consider what we are giving up and don’t focus on what we are likely to gain, our hearts will grow weary. Christ has already fought the battle and we win. Don’t be afraid to walk HIS path.